he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
