I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
