why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
