The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
