When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
