My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
