I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
