On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
