I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
