Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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