Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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