Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize