And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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