I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
