i think my mom watched the whole time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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