The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
