I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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