she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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