The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
