we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
