This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
