is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
