I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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