Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My ATM looks so different sober.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
