Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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