they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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