Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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