I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
