Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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