Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
she smelled like a LAN party
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
