I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
