dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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