I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
