who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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