HIV tests are more positive than that guy
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
