Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
