also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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