I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
