Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize