i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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