Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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