It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
