I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
