Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
