So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
