He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
