: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
