Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
