found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
