so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
