I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
