You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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