Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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