My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
