You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COCAINE IS GR8
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize