Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
