Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
