Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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