I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
