My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
