To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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