fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
