So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
