dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Couch. On fire.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
