she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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