I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
