Umm I'm too high to move.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
so much tequila, so little girl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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